Doubt & Feud
by Rabby
Summary: Too much pressure sparks Saiga to call Kakei out on all the lies he's helped him weave - a viscous argument best held behind closed doors... Oneshot?


Kakei suppressed a heavy sigh of irritation as he watched the papers he'd been filing moments ago flutter to the floor. He gritted his teeth together, trying to will himself to remain calm and composed, as opposed to letting his emotions get the better of him – something Saiga had just displayed he was finished doing. A fiery lover could be a wonderful gift in bed. Outside of the bedroom, however, it could be damn right tiresome. Pursing his lips he avoided rolling his eyes at the man – something that unnerved the hell out of him – to deter further catastrophe, though he knew it was hardly likely to help. "_Saiga_."

"_Kakei_," the larger man mimicked. How childish, the smaller man thought.

Kakei clasped his hands in front of him and breathed evenly. Saiga's energy and mood had been becoming more and more negative over the past few weeks, and though Kakei knew it was only a matter of time before his lover let them get the better of him, he couldn't help being irritated. Throwing a tantrum at him wasn't solving anything, nor would it change his decision. "You're being unreasonable," he said, finally.

"_I'm_ being unreasonable. _Me_? Kakei, I don't question many of your decisions when it comes to these kids, but this has been going on for far too long! Let's just pretend we can forget every time you've let them put their lives at risk to get access to trivial items that mean nothing to most of the world. Forget it! But doing this? Every _day_, Kakei. Every. Single. God damned _day_. And for how long? You think this can go on infinitely?"

"If you _can't_ keep it up, just say so. If you _won't_, say so. If you want to _leave_, say it. But this has to be done. You said before that you would be here to help me – but if you want to back out of that now, that's your choice."

"Oh! Really!" Saiga threw his arms in the air and turned a half-circle in the confines of the office, prowling it like a great cat. "Yeah, go on, use the _guilt_ trump card! Because that's _exactly_ what this situation is missing. A good tossing of guilt, Kakei. I'm glad _someone_ feels smug in his boots about all of this." He turned his head suddenly and Kakei felt his eyes narrow. "Yes I agreed to play this little game with you. Yeah – it'll be best for everyone in the long run!"

"And it will," Kakei replied, his tone becoming more tense, his own anger boiling just beneath it.

Saiga laughed sarcastically. "I'm sure it will! Because you know what? It's below 30 outside, it's pissing snow and it's the middle of _January_. It's been OVER a year, Kakei. And that's just Kudo. How long is your long-term plan exactly? Because I haven't seen either one of them benefitting from it!"

"Long-term, Saiga, as I have been led to believe, refers to something that goes on for a lengthy period of time. That doesn't mean the span of a mini-vacation. It means that these things take their time to sort out. Just because you're not seeing the results you want doesn't mean they aren't coming."

"Coming when," the dark man spat back. He glared darkly at the closed door. "Do I want out? Yes. Every damned morning when there's '_nothing_,' every night they come in late and there's '_nothing_,' and every time in between! Every time he gets that _look_. From the first time I hated it, and you knew how much I would for your 'long-term'. _You_ did. Sure I said yes, but _you_ would have seen this happening as a result."

"Only because you've been so unreasonable, Saiga. Repeatedly. At this point I'm wondering if there is anything in life you won't eventually come back at me about and bitch about because it's harder than you thought it'd be and _I_ didn't warn you first."

Kakei hated that Saiga smirked at that. The man knew from experience that when he started cursing in an argument it meant he was losing his composure. Saiga didn't give a damn what he'd said; he was just feeling proud that he'd even bothered him. Kakei drew a breath. "You don't think it bothers me? Keeping secrets like this from kids like them?"

"Sometimes I wonder if you give one damn about them Kakei," Saiga replied coldly. He scowled. "It's bad enough you manipulate Kudo the way you do—"

"Oh, _I'm_ manipulating him? At least I'm not trying to make him hot and bothered every chance I get. What the hell – so long as we have some teens here, Saiga, why don't you just go run your hands all over them? Do you like him all flustered? You have a thing for the little boys, do you—?"

He was interrupted by a flash of movement and the phone on the desk in front of him exploded against the wall and the cord connecting it to the wall snapped back, nearly whipping Kakei in the face. Broken-off pieces of plastic scattered across the floor. Saiga's breathing was heavy and he was nose to nose with Kakei, who had risen to his feet to meet any challenge the man might make.

"I tease him, I do not molest him."

"The last I heard, molestation is constituted by unwanted sexual advances, and you've made plenty of those, my _love_. You think he isn't made uncomfortable by it? Because I'm pretty sure that was your intention."

"Right, Kakei – I'm just the kind of guy who gropes children but then fucks you every day."

"How will you ever be satisfied," Kakei pondered sarcastically. His wrist was seized by the bigger man and he was drawn to him, Saiga leaning over the desk separating the two, the man staring right into Kakei's eyes.

"Do you really think that of me?" his tone was softer and Kakei had to wince inwardly. Here was Saiga calling him out on manipulating the boys and he was just as eager to manipulate the argument into something else. He touched a long forefinger to his fuming lover's chin and looked him directly in the eye.

"No. I don't."

"Don't fuck with me, Kakei." Saiga's voice trembled in fury, and he seized Kakei's hand from his face. They stood frozen for a long moment before Kakei lowered his head.

"It was out of line," he admitted.

"_Is_ there really any line anymore? Is there any line for _them_?"

So there it was again. The true reason for their argument, back on topic – and Kakei had naively hoped that they could end it on another, if cruder, note.

"You know these are times where nobody draws lines for war. If I start doing it I'm laying all my cards on the table for the other players to see – and that's when we lose everything. Then _they_ lose everything. You know that's what we're trying to avoid."

"I know that's the goal, Kakei. I know that's what you want. But is it working? Have you ever really looked at an alternative route?"

"This should work. I've made that clear to you so many times! Why can't you _accept_ that this path is one that is winding, unpleasant, and dangerous?"

"But did you even consider an alternative? Peek into the future of a different path? Maybe it doesn't have to be this way – deception morning, noon and night. Just _trust_ him to stay for the sake of what's to come?"

"I can't just choose what to see and when, and have everything conveniently mapped out to correlate, and you've known that for as long as you've known anything so significant about me." He pulled his wrists free of his lover's grasp and came around from behind the desk.

"No. Because you haven't tried any other method. I tease them that you're sadistic, Kakei, but what is real cruelty? Can you deny that this is the very definition?"

"I've asked if you want out."

"And I said I do. I would. But what I want isn't important; not compared to anyone else, in the grand scheme of things. And you couldn't keep this farce going on your own. The store. The jobs. The rent. The damn mahjong games. The lies. Keep it all straight in that calculating mind of yours? With two of us it's nearly impossible to keep the web of lies sorted out. Alone?"

"I could try."

"So you would rather do it this way – even on your own – than try something else? Just _test_ a different way? Something more... Humane?"

"Humane is keeping everyone alive and in sight, _Saiga_." He wished the other man could just realize that this was all well-thought out, even if it was difficult to execute. A web of lies indeed. And he did need his companion – as much to keep all of his lies straight and in place as to keep himself sane under the pressure of it all.

"Well, _Kakei_, not everyone is _in_ sight, are they?" Behind the sunglasses Saiga was losing his composure again.

"Destroying one fallacy to test another would lead to the entire house of cards to tumble down. How well do you think it would be received if we just told them, 'Oh yes, we knew all along; but never mind that – just keep trusting us to know what's best and keep you safe.' Do you really think they're stupid enough to risk falling for any more lies? Kudo's naive enough not to be too suspicious as it is, and how long will that really last? Rikuou will know without a doubt that there's more going on than that boy knows to keep him under this roof. A shoestring budget is hard enough to maintain for someone else –"

"Yeah, and thanks for sending me up there to make sure he wasn't stashing extra money that time – I felt really great about that, by the way. I love rifling through others people's things like a fucking thief."

"—but keeping him oblivious to it? Living with Rikuou's bound to get him to smarten up, so I wouldn't be surprised if we had to cut back his shifts and skimp on paycheques and payments from other jobs to keep him in check. Under this roof. _Safe_."

"Well at least that's not doing him too much harm, Kakei, but what about _Rikuou_. That's what this is really about. I'm sick of your games. You say it's for their sake, but that's not fair. We practically invited him into this situation and _made_ him a part of it. That's the only reason he needs any damn protection."

Kakei regarded him, withholding another roll of his eyes. "You can stop saying it; I'll say it. If it bothers you so much, _I'll_ do it."

"We've tried that. You know, it's _so damn fun_ to pretend to be asleep when he's _right there_ expecting something from me! That's the thing: it doesn't matter who says it – _who_ is he disappointed in when it's said? _Me!_"

"If you know it, accept it and move on. We've been through all of this. Do you want me to run out to the shop and get another phone for you to smash? You think they didn't hear that? Saiga, we're both adults. Act like it. It's not about _us_." He paused, and he knew he shouldn't, but Saiga was making him _really_ want to. "It's not all about _you_."

Saiga growled. "You know I'm not trying to make this about me. I want what's best for him. And in that long run we were discussing? I think he should know."

"You think that would be better for him emotionally? You really think that?" Kakei scoffed. He couldn't imagine anything worse.

"If you'd wanted to keep him here so badly, you should have been straight with him the second he got here."

"We didn't have all the answers right away."

Saiga ran his hand through his hair, exasperated. "You know what I mean!"

"Knowing what we do? Would you? Would you really? What would your plan be, if you have all the answers."

"I have more answers than I want already, Kakei, and I'm sick of keeping them to myself."

"We tell him and he'll hate us. You, me, the whole set-up. You weren't there for the whole ride, Saiga. Setting up and financing a drug store just to make sure you encounter one kid isn't the easiest thing in the world. Losing Rikuou to his anger with us isn't just detrimental to keeping the oath I set for myself, it's completely irreparable. This can't be tried twice. We have _one shot_. If we've screwed up, we've screwed up. _There is no going back_. We keep up the charade and lie to their faces every day and we can keep them safe. Keep Kudo safe, those he holds dear."

"And those Rikuou holds dear?"

"Pray he builds a new family here. A new future."

"A future borne of lies, Kakei! That's what it would be. A family that denied him the truth when that's all he ever asked for. I can't keep this up!"

"You have to."

Saiga clutched at his hair, exasperated. "God damn you, Kakei!" He swore heavily. "Is it easy for you? How the hell do you keep yourself sane? Does seeing what's to come help? Does it? Because I can't deal with it!" Kakei could only regard him solemnly. Maybe he was the luckier of the two to have known what was coming – to make his decisions and dwell on them before events unfolded. For Saiga... "It was hard enough," the man continued, "when I _didn't_ know. When I could look him in the eye and say, 'I don't know where she is; I don't know if she's dead or alive.' But now? Kakei, we've known for _months_ now. _How the _hell_ can we not tell him?"_

_

* * *

_

Rikuou had hesitated at the door when he heard the owners' voices raised in argument. Hardly moved since he first heard his name being discussed. His hands shook, but he couldn't feel them. He stared ahead seeing nothing, feeling nothing – feeling everything. He barely heard the next words over the blood rushing in his ears.

Then he crumpled.

* * *

"There's nothing we can offer him to compensate for what we've done, Saiga. We can just hope he never knows we kept it from him. We can't change what's already happened. Tsukiko is dead."


End file.
